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You don’t need anyone’s affection or approval in order to be good enough. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs, and you don’t have to internalize that. Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you — it’s something inherent. You exist, and therefore, you matter. You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You’re allowed to assert your needs and take up space. You’re allowed to hold onto the truth that who you are is exactly enough. And you’re allowed to remove anyone from your life who makes you feel otherwise.Daniell Koepke
When you find yourself drowning in self-hate, you have to remind yourself that you weren’t born feeling this way. That at some point in your journey, some person or experience sent you the message that there was something wrong with who you are, and you internalized those messages and took them on as your truth. But that hate isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you. And in the same way that you learned to think badly of yourself, you can learn to think new, self-loving and accepting thoughts. You can learn to challenge those beliefs, take away their power, and reclaim your own. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen over night. But it is possible. And it starts when you decide that there has to be more to life than this pain you feel. It starts when you decide that you deserve to discover it.Daniell Koepke
Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honour my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self-care a priority. I choose me.― Daniell Koepke
Aww thanks so much anon!! I’m seriously contemplating it. I’m just so nervous to chop it all off! Big hugs.
So.. all you can eat sushi is pretty much the best thing to ever happen to this world. I’m so carbed up right now I could run a marathon.. And I’m a terrible runner. xD
Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.Anne Lamott (via sundaysmuse)
Today we went to Summerfest in Milwaukee with the family and we saw Candice Accola from The Vampire Diaries there! I pointed her out to Lex and she was excited and wanted a picture with her but I was super nervous that we’d be bothering her, so I convinced her not to.. She had walked away and we lost sight of her and Lex was totally bummed out. :/ We kept walking and Lex spotted her again and gave me the worst puppy dog eyes ever and asked, very sweetly, if she could ask her for a photo and I told her she could.
She asked Candice if she was from The Vampire Diaries and if she could have a picture with her and she said yes! She was literally so sweet. I was too nervous to ask for a picture too, so I just said thank you and we walked away. Lex has only seen her show a few times (I thought it was still a tad inappropriate at times for her xD) but I used to watch it all the time with Matt. I always loved her character.
[Lex with Candice. She was so sweet!]
I don’t know why I’m so self conscious all the time. Its almost like I’ve backtracked since losing weight. I’ve lost nearly a hundred pounds and should feel better about myself, but I still don’t most days. It sucks so bad.. I’ve worked so hard. I should be standing tall and proud but instead I’m so damn awkward I can’t even hold small conversations with people, and I fail so badly at looking at people in the eyes.. I’ve noticed myself staring at the ground a lot more lately and I don’t know why. Oof. I’m so annoyed with myself right now.
I almost wore a really pretty lace dress today but changed my mind because I thought I’d need to wear tennis shoes [I was under the impression Summerfest would be much larger and we’d be walking a lot longer] and thought it would look silly wearing tennis shoes and a dress.. So I wore a batman shirt today instead. >< Doesn’t it figure the one time I meet a celebrity I’m wearing a nerdtastic shirt?
[Tired batman selfie!]
Maybe once I secure a new job I’ll be able to afford nicer clothes. I feel like that would help me feel better about myself. A lot of the stuff I have now is still too big for me since I bought most of it when I was bigger.
Alas, she was lovely and I’m so glad Lex got a picture with her. I have to stop letting my low self esteem get in the way of everything. I feel so guilty that my lack of self esteem almost prevented Lex from having a really amazing moment. She was so happy afterwards.
Hrmf. Note to self: Work on self confidence. Also, if going in public, lace is probably a better option than batman. ;)
There will be many times when you will be uncomfortable in my silence
Unsure of how I’m feeling
Understand that just because I do not wear my heart on my sleeve for everyone to see does not mean that it beats any softer than yours
Do not confuse the stillness of lips with the rhythm of apathy
Do not confuse the sound of words red and loft 80 beats per minute with the music of an actual conversation
Just because I cannot commit the act of small talk does not mean I don’t have huge things to say
Just because I find peace within myself does not mean that I could ever stop wanting to love so hard.Kevin Yang - “How to Love Your Introvert” (via i-am—fine)
I’ve always had this mentality like “all bodies are good bodies… except mine,” and that a really shitty mentality. I shouldn’t be an exception. I find beauty in everyone except myself, and that’s an unacceptable way to live. I’m putting a stop to it. All bodies are good bodies, including mine.